Making Decisions and the Roller Coaster of Change that Follows

By MollyandLaney

The Business of Decisions

Making a decision and having to step into the “unknown” is always a scary, sometimes sad, time.  At the same time it is a huge opportunity for the opening of new doors.  We deal daily with team and entrepreneurs alike that are struggling with the “change” in their life and there is one thing we can promise you— burying your head in the sand and not confronting a decision IS a decision. Indifference is a decision and waiting for the ‘other person’ to make a move first is still a decision.

From two gals who’ve been through a lot of change, here are some insights on making decisions and the change that follows: 

1.  There is NO right answer to how to handle making a decision.  Everyone will give you advice and suggestions but every person and every set of circumstances is different.  So there is no “right” answer.  All anyone can do is ask questions to help you find your own answers and give you things to think about.  The power is in the questions your friends and advisors are asking you.
2. What works in one moment may not be the right answer for the next.  Change is a process.  One scenario you may need to approach the issue at hand with calm serenity.  The next you may need to just lose your cool and have a breakdown.  You are changing and growing through this process, so what you need in the moment will change as well.  Don’t be too hard or rigid with yourself.  There will be times you are disappointed in yourself and times you are very excited.  Just roll with it and stick it out.
3. The process of major change can be a complete roller coaster.  Just stay on the roller coaster until the end.  You WILL make it through—the prize is in staying awake to the process.
4. Making a tough decision is NOT all bad. You begin to feel yourself awaken but it can be tiring because it’s emotional.  Typically you can’t move forward as fast as you want to because of all the details to sort out in the process.  Look forward to the good part of the process – the reconnecting with yourself and the VAST possibility and opportunity that opens up for you. Decisions come with emotions.  Leaving a partnership, firing an employee, closing a business, leaving a lease you have been in for years that is no longer a good fit – all of these decisions would be a no brainer, but for the human/relational element.  And most often the other party involved can very easily make you feel guilty during the process.  Or the alternative, they kick it up a notch and rise to the occasion just when you were ready to pull the plug and make you question your decision.  Don’t buy into it and anchor to the very reasons that brought you to a crossroads in the first place. 
5.  Go through The Decision Making Model ™ to clarify not only the pros and cons of a decision, put the emotion energy you are putting into the situation everyday that may be robbing you of productivity, energy, confidence, clarity and joy.  Put pen to paper while it’s fresh.  At any moment when you are confused or feeling bad for your decision, anchor back to this process and connect to it, and know you are doing the right thing. 
6. Don’t confuse grieving over a loss and a dream you once had to being wrong for your choice.  It’s not the same thing.  The grieving and longing is a symptom of how committed you were and letting that commitment go is hard. Nothing more, nothing less.
7. If you change your mind it’s ok.  You being happy and fulfilled is the goal – nothing else matters. And if you find yourself at a crossroads again on this issue, repeat Step # 5 until you can make a decision where this issue doesn’t continue to rear its confronting head.
8. Let your inner circle help you and support you.  They want to – don’t try to be too strong.  Even if you feel like you are repeating yourself – they understand.  It’s a process.
9.  The decision you are making today probably looks nothing like what it did when you entered into the relationship or situation.  Typically every reason why you decided to make a change will be amplified during the process.  Particularly if people are involved, once they no longer have a reason to vest into a relationship with you, they often are less attentive to communicating with you.  Not always, but often. 
10. Anchor to something BIGGER.  The vision of something bigger in your life will give you the motivation to get out of bed and press on.
 
Most importantly – HOLD your HEAD UP HIGH– with pride.  85% of people are miserable in their current circumstances but too afraid to do anything about it.  Whatever your decision, share it confidently and people will generally react positively.  You set the tone.  State the decision concisely and clearly – “I dissolved the partnership” or “we are closing the shop”. Don’t over explain.  Have your one-line response for when people say “what happened” and leave it at that. The “story” really doesn’t matter and is more often than not saturated with blame and/or defeat.  Be proud of your willingness to look at a situation that isn’t working, make a hard decision, take action and be excited about your future. People will always pursue someone who has a confident vision of the future.

The beauty of a making a decision is that either way you are confronting what isn’t working.  Whether you end something, change something or re-commit to something confronting that is isn’t working is an absolute before you can have a clearing for a breakthrough.

If you would like a copy of The Decision Making Model™ email molly@yeschick.com.  

In your corner,

Laney & Molly

I’ll Sit Here and Nod, Then Quit When I Get Home

By MollyandLaney

By Molly Hall (shared with permission from all parties involved)
I remember the defining moment of truth when I realized I was slipping into the Yes Chick zone.

We’d hired a marketing company that we paid a big (no, huge) monthly retainer for 12 months to take the company to the next level. We were a small company of three and I served as the Marketing Department/Member Services/Coaching Department…you get the idea.  I was naturally responsible for managing the marketing company. We hired them for their reputation in the marketplace and for their track record of taking like-minded organizations to the next level. My role was to manage, direct, and lead them in the company’s new direction, meet deadlines and so forth.  Here is what happened instead. 

Month Two: The president of the marketing company called me and said, “We can’t work with your boss. He is steamrolling my team and they refuse to get on another marketing call with him. We prefer to only deal with you because you get the job done and you’re a focused pit bull.”

Month Seven: After spending a tremendous amount of time on a major website project, the boss decides the work we’ve done is worthless and we need to go in a different direction. Note: The boss never had time to look at the website and “delegated” the entire project to me because he “trusted” me.  (Visit our website for “Why You Should Never Use THE ‘D’ Word” blog or refer Chapter 4 of Don’t Be a Yes Chick!)

During a weekly marketing meeting, back when I was a Yes Chick, he decided that we were going to “talk website” because the buddy he had breakfast with told him the five “musts” of every website.  On fire from that breakfast meeting, he pulls up our website five minutes before our meeting and wanted to change seven months of work.  He was so motivated he declares “This project is priority number one. In fact, let’s hop on a plane and get Molly and me in a room for two days with the web team and get it done. If we don’t, we’re dead in the water.”

We were all deflated, but hell; we could rise above and do it. If he is this passionate about the website and what he has learned, I’m in.  I got on the plane. The marketing firm prepared for our arrival and put three full-time employees in a conference room with us for two days. Everyone was ready to put this project that we had worked on for so long and hard to bed. Two days, slam dunk–it will be done!

Day One: We met with the web team. My boss began the meeting with a brief “history” of the company. He took them through three hours of technical-legal mumbo jumbo that clearly no one understood (nor cared about). Their eyes glazed over and they nodded their heads, saying, “Wow that is interesting.” Then he went on and on about vision, mission, and standards-never once going through the website page by page. We walked out with our heads spinning. We had no clear direction. It had been a complete waste of time.

Day Two: The web team didn’t even show up. He had annoyed them so much that the owner of the company asked them to not even go in because it would be another day of the same thing. So, here we are, the boss and me, in a city away from office and home, sitting there alone.  So, the boss and I started talking numbers, recreating an annual budget and bonus structure that we have created two times before but still hadn’t implemented. We then moved to the “future direction of the company” conversation; you know that one that entrepreneurs like to have spontaneously when they want to get out of actually doing the task at hand. 
At 9 a.m., I realized I had to catch my plane in five hours. At that point, I said to myself, “I will sit here and nod, then quit when I get home.” Then I had an epiphany. I realized that I was just as responsible for this conversation and the direction of my future as he was. Seriously, I had heard people speak of those “light bulbs” going off, but I’d never gotten it. But I got it then.

Immediately, I stopped him dead in his tracks and requested a time-out. In that moment, I chose to abandon Plan A–an unprofessional hissy fit that would include two or three “F bombs” and a bucketful of tears. That would be the “old,” non-confrontational Molly in rare form. Instead, I chose to dig deeper into my toolbox. I announced, “We need to stop, conduct an Aggravation Auger,  and talk about what is not working, not only in this conversation, but for me in my professional role.”

What came out of that conversation without question changed my life. We had an honest, respectful discussion that fused our adult, professional relationship closer, and I won a deep respect from my boss because of who I chose to be in that moment. He also appreciated that I would help him see his blind spots and not allow him to show up in disarray or not hold him accountable. Since that day, December 8, 2009, we have worked efficiently and effectively together.

What came out of our meeting became known as our House Rules of Engagement. If you would like a copy contact us a www.yeschick.com.